Being faithful.

Wherever you are, be all there. Jim Elliot

You know how sometimes, when you're struggling, and it feels like everywhere you turn, God is trying to speak to you? That happened to me this week. It started on Sunday at meeting (more commonly known as church :) when the topic was about how we are going to one day judge ourselves with the Lord at His judgement seat. Whatever we've done for Him we'll be rewarded for, and all else will be burned away and forgotten. One of the biggest thoughts that I pulled away from this topic is that the Lord really values faithfulness. No matter how big or small our calling is or seems to be, if we do it all heartily for Him, then we will be blessed for it.

You see, I really struggle sometimes with really knowing who I am and what I am meant to do here. Yes, I am a wife and a mom and those are no small tasks, but sometimes it feels like I should be doing something else as well. You know, something important. It's easy to look around me and see what others are doing, what talents they have that they are able to bless others with and then look at my own life and realize I don't really have anything spectacular to offer anyone. Sometimes I wonder why some people are given such strong, obvious talents, when others (like me) have to scrounge a little harder to find out what their gift is. But I digress...

I've been going through a phase where it feels like I'm floundering. I feel bored, aimless, and to top it off, the kids' behaviour is so not what it should be that I wonder if I'm doing any good at all... But remember what I said about God trying to speak to you when you're low? Well, the last couple of days I've read blog posts from three separate individuals titled, "The Day I Almost Quit", "When Life is More Than You Can Handle", and "Choosing Here." Here is what I was reminded of: God has a special purpose for us, and yes, while some days can seem completely futile and overwhelming, it is because He wants us to run to Him for help and be in total dependence on Him. He wants us to give 100% of ourselves to whatever task He has given, however big or small.

This life that I'm living is my calling. These kids, this husband, our particular home, is where I am supposed to be. I fall so far short of what I could or should be doing that I allow it to get me down far too often. But I think I am way too hard on myself and the only thing God is really asking of me is to be faithful with the gifts He's given, however small I think they are.