An 'unglued' kind of day.

Today was a hideous day. One of those days where you wish you could just go to bed, get some sleep and wake up to start fresh. Actually, it wasn't so bad until the boys came home after school. Not that I'm saying it's connected with that or anything...

Anyway, I don't want this to be a sob-fest of complaint, because really, what do I really have to complain about? But it was one of those days where I just couldn't get it together enough to be the mom. I always tell Lucas that some days everyone is happy and it's great. Some days, the kids are awful but I am mature enough to rise to the occasion and be the parent. Other days, I am cranky but the kids are fine. Then, there are days like these, where all heck breaks loose and it seems that no matter what I do, or what they do, we just cannot get our acts together to be normal and happy.

I'm reading a book called, "Unglued: Making Wise Choices in the Midst of Raw Emotions," by Lysa TerKeurst and in the chapter I read today she said something that I really like. She told the story of when Joshua has been commanded to march around Jericho for seven days, and just before he does, he is visited by the commander of the Lord's army, who is really the Lord Himself. Joshua asks Him a question: "Are you for us or for our enemies?" But the Lord replies: Neither. Lysa made the point that Joshua had asked the wrong question; he should have asked instead, "Whose side am I on?" She says that this is very often the root of why we tend to fly off the handle when things go wrong, the fact that we forget Whose side we are on. Am I on God's side or not?

I tend to agree with her point. Sometimes changing myself, or even allowing the Lord to work through me to become a better mom seems so impossible. Almost as insurmountable as the walls that Joshua was facing at Jericho. But I really need to come to grips with the fact that God is there and if I really believe this, then why is it not reflected in my behaviour towards my family? I think if I really took God at His word and let Him work through me to complete the impossible, great things would happen.

Lysa also introduced a new phrase that she made up and it's this: Imperfect progress. I think sometimes I expect perfection from myself, but when I mess up, I feel I'm done, that there's no going back to change what I did. Lysa says though, "Imperfect changes are slow steps of progress wrapped in grace... imperfect progress." Just because I sometimes mess up, doesn't mean that all the good I did before has been undone.

I want to share what I've learned, not only because maybe it will help someone else, but also as a reminder to myself.

*I wrote this last night, but hesitated to post it because I don't want to come across like I'm complaining. I really do have a good life even though I need to make an attitude adjustment. But in the name of being real, I decided to post it anyway.*