Keep your tongue from evil.

As I move through life, especially as one who has a hard time controlling her tongue, I'm slowly coming to the conclusion that sometimes what you don't say is even more powerful than what you do say. A lot of times I worry that what I've said to my kids that day, or how I've yelled at them, will affect them so much that they'll spend their adult life in therapy or worse. In reality, I'm pretty sure (although not convinced) that they've forgotten it five minutes after it's happened. If what I'm saying is not even registering, then why am I even wasting the energy spewing anger out of my mouth? And if what I'm saying is registering, then I'd better learn pretty quickly to be quiet.

You see, when Jesus walked the earth, although He spoke a lot, and even had His moments of righteous anger chewing out the Pharisees, what stood out most was His quietness. If you really think about it, He of all people would have had the most to say, and with great cause too. "Peter, you know you're really high strung. Why do you bother? I'm the Lord. You can't do anything without Me because I created you. Judas, you know you're going to betray Me so why are you following me around like a sick dog and would you  just get out of My sight already? You know I could send a legion of angels to come and slay you, right? And oh, while I'm on the topic, why is everyone hanging off Me? Go away already. I'm tired." (Seriously could go on and on. I was having fun with that.) I'm not saying Jesus never showed them where they were going wrong because He surely did. But it was always with love and with a deep sense of knowing the person's heart. Any criticism He doled out was constructive. I think though, what Jesus didn't say stands out as equally as what He did say. Even to the death, He stayed silent.

I wish I could be more like that. Maybe my family wouldn't notice the things I don't say, or maybe it's so bad that the silence would be deafening. But either way, I would know, and more importantly, God would know. If I choose not to say anything in a moment where I really want to spew some venom around, surely that has to count for something. And if what I don't say bears weight, then the times I do have something to say will also carry more weight. My kids won't be like, "Oh there goes Mom, shooting off her mouth again. Tune her out, quick!" It'd be more like, "Oh, Mom is saying something? I'd better stop and listen." I know, I know, in a dream world, right?

But the point is, I'm really realizing that I need to stop talking. I need to stop trying to make myself heard and just be. Dealing with any given situation after my anger passes is going to cause me to be more fair in my judgement anyway and my criticism won't hurt, it will heal.

Whoever guards his mouth preserves his life; he who opens wide his lips comes to ruin. 

Proverbs 13:3