Sometimes all a girl needs to be happy in life is some tea in a pretty teacup!
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Thursday, July 12, 2012
When I am weak.
How do Christians really bear another’s burden, if we refuse to bear any burden at all?
Am I a Pharisee tossing a painless coin from my excess or a bowed lady giving a tender offering, a bit like the painful, joy-filled last mite? How many times has my “I can’t give” really mean, “I can’t give without bearing a burden myself?”
How can we take a load off someone else’s back without taking a bit of a load on ourselves and what else can it mean to pick up His cross and follow Him? - Ann Voskamp
The older I get, the more I realize that this life is not meant to be easy. God wants us to constantly seek Him out for help in our weakness; He wants us coming to the place of realization that we can't do it on our own. If my life was always a bed of roses, if everything was so plush and perfect all the time, I would never have need for prayer. It'd be easy to do life on my own if nothing was ever difficult. But that's not how God works to refine us.
I'll end with another quote I read today that ties in with this thought:
Heaven is not here, it's There. If we were given all we wanted here, our hearts would settle for this world rather than the next. God is forever luring us up and away from this one, wooing us to Himself and His still invisible Kingdom, where we will certainly find what we so keenly long for. - Elisabeth Elliot
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
A few thoughts.
I was really nervous about sending Nicholas to public school. I don't know, as a parent you just want to do the best thing for your child and it seems there is never any easy, black and white answer. To homeschool or not. To send them to public school or not. So many questions. Everyone has a different opinion on what is better for kids in general, and even have ideas about what might be best for my child specifically. Anyway, when the time rolled around for Nicholas to be registered for Primary (kindergarten to the rest of the world) two years ago, I was extremely anxious. I cried when I thought of sending him to public school (which also translates into "sending him to the lions" for some, myself included). I wrestled with whether to keep him home and teach him myself, going from one end of the schooling spectrum to the other in my mind so often that I'd give myself headaches.
I don't think I've ever prayed so hard for something in my life. What I really wanted was for God to just shout down an answer to me. Since I knew that was not going to happen, I continued to wrestle. Meanwhile, my very calm and un-anxious husband was there, my ever-constant source of reason and sensibility. "Just send him to school, at least for Primary. We'll just take it year by year and make a decision based on where we are in life at that point," he said, sensibly. Life is so easy for him. No fuss, no muss. "You don't understand!" I cried. "I can't do this! He's my baby! I can't just send him into the unknown." Lucas responded the way he always does, "He'll be fine. The Lord will be with him." I silently raged at Lucas for not being more convicted about homeschooling. What I really wanted was for him to say, "Let's homeschool." I'd only have peace then, or so I thought. But there was no way I was going to homeschool if he was not 100% on board with it. No way that I'd go into it without his complete support. However, he was not changing his mind and it looked like I'd have to go register Nicholas for school.
I don't think I can describe to you the struggle I felt. It seemed so preposterous to me to send my precious baby to school, where unthinkable things could happen to him. Plus, I read way too many blogs of people who homeschool and have thousands of reasons why God does not want us to send our kids to school. (Basically, they seem to think that homeschooling will save their children.) So I prayed and prayed. Finally I said to myself (and it was no thunderbolt or revelation, but a gradual realization), "Laura, there is no clear indication in the Bible that you have to homeschool. You won't be sinning if you send your child to school. BUT there is a clear indication, a command even, in the Bible that you are to respect what your husband has to say, and to listen to him." The answer seemed simple: Send Nicholas to school. As soon as I came to that conclusion, I felt peace. Deep, unquestioning, satisfying, peace. I don't mean that I never cried about it again, because I surely did. I still had nights where I cried, begging God to take care of my boy at school. But underneath it all, there was a strong sense of God's peace that I was doing the right thing in sending Nicholas to school, and above all, submitting to what my husband had to say about it, and therefore, obeying the Lord.
Can I just brag a little bit about God's grace now? I don't think I can even begin to describe how gracious He was to me those first few days of sending Nicholas to school, and the whole year afterward. It is only now, in hindsight that I can really see how much He cared for me then. First of all, Nicholas adjusted so well to school. He did not fight me, at all. He did not cry (maybe one little tear the first day, but nothing I couldn't handle), and although he went through a bout of crying for a week in March, I was much better equipped at that point to handle it. Second, Nicholas had the most amazing teacher and the most special class. His teacher was actually subbing for the "real" Primary teacher who was on maternity leave. She was awesome. Just perfectly what we needed, both Nicholas and I. In hindsight, now that Jacob had the "real" teacher this past year, as good as she is, she would have scared me if she'd been Nicholas' teacher that first year.
His class? Everyone remarked about how special they are: The parents, his teacher, and myself all saw how great this group of kids was, and actually it was only this past year, when I see how Jacob's class is, I realize that Nicholas' class is not the norm. Nicholas' grade one teacher actually said that in all her twenty years of teaching, she has never seen a class like it. She said that 98% of the class is above average, and there are no "problem" children, aside from what you'd expect of active kids in that age group. Would this be an indication of God's loving grace? Another thing that really hit me the other day, is the school situation. Because of boundary issues, Nicholas ended up going to a much smaller school than what we'd originally thought. A few months in, we found out the boundary was going to change back and that our neighbourhood school was now going to be a much bigger school, which I would absolutely hate. Besides which, it's a school that is very "keeping up with the Joneses" whereas the school my kids go to has more of a wide and diverse range of kids of all walks of life. But, because Nicholas was already enrolled in the smaller school, he was allowed to stay there, and it was easy to get Jacob in too.
God's grace? I just see it everywhere. One thing that I have realized the last couple of years is how much He cares. He cares so much about each little detail of our lives and not only does He care, but He finds little ways of showing us His gracious heart. I am amazed and my faith has been fortified.
I don't think I've ever prayed so hard for something in my life. What I really wanted was for God to just shout down an answer to me. Since I knew that was not going to happen, I continued to wrestle. Meanwhile, my very calm and un-anxious husband was there, my ever-constant source of reason and sensibility. "Just send him to school, at least for Primary. We'll just take it year by year and make a decision based on where we are in life at that point," he said, sensibly. Life is so easy for him. No fuss, no muss. "You don't understand!" I cried. "I can't do this! He's my baby! I can't just send him into the unknown." Lucas responded the way he always does, "He'll be fine. The Lord will be with him." I silently raged at Lucas for not being more convicted about homeschooling. What I really wanted was for him to say, "Let's homeschool." I'd only have peace then, or so I thought. But there was no way I was going to homeschool if he was not 100% on board with it. No way that I'd go into it without his complete support. However, he was not changing his mind and it looked like I'd have to go register Nicholas for school.
I don't think I can describe to you the struggle I felt. It seemed so preposterous to me to send my precious baby to school, where unthinkable things could happen to him. Plus, I read way too many blogs of people who homeschool and have thousands of reasons why God does not want us to send our kids to school. (Basically, they seem to think that homeschooling will save their children.) So I prayed and prayed. Finally I said to myself (and it was no thunderbolt or revelation, but a gradual realization), "Laura, there is no clear indication in the Bible that you have to homeschool. You won't be sinning if you send your child to school. BUT there is a clear indication, a command even, in the Bible that you are to respect what your husband has to say, and to listen to him." The answer seemed simple: Send Nicholas to school. As soon as I came to that conclusion, I felt peace. Deep, unquestioning, satisfying, peace. I don't mean that I never cried about it again, because I surely did. I still had nights where I cried, begging God to take care of my boy at school. But underneath it all, there was a strong sense of God's peace that I was doing the right thing in sending Nicholas to school, and above all, submitting to what my husband had to say about it, and therefore, obeying the Lord.
Can I just brag a little bit about God's grace now? I don't think I can even begin to describe how gracious He was to me those first few days of sending Nicholas to school, and the whole year afterward. It is only now, in hindsight that I can really see how much He cared for me then. First of all, Nicholas adjusted so well to school. He did not fight me, at all. He did not cry (maybe one little tear the first day, but nothing I couldn't handle), and although he went through a bout of crying for a week in March, I was much better equipped at that point to handle it. Second, Nicholas had the most amazing teacher and the most special class. His teacher was actually subbing for the "real" Primary teacher who was on maternity leave. She was awesome. Just perfectly what we needed, both Nicholas and I. In hindsight, now that Jacob had the "real" teacher this past year, as good as she is, she would have scared me if she'd been Nicholas' teacher that first year.
His class? Everyone remarked about how special they are: The parents, his teacher, and myself all saw how great this group of kids was, and actually it was only this past year, when I see how Jacob's class is, I realize that Nicholas' class is not the norm. Nicholas' grade one teacher actually said that in all her twenty years of teaching, she has never seen a class like it. She said that 98% of the class is above average, and there are no "problem" children, aside from what you'd expect of active kids in that age group. Would this be an indication of God's loving grace? Another thing that really hit me the other day, is the school situation. Because of boundary issues, Nicholas ended up going to a much smaller school than what we'd originally thought. A few months in, we found out the boundary was going to change back and that our neighbourhood school was now going to be a much bigger school, which I would absolutely hate. Besides which, it's a school that is very "keeping up with the Joneses" whereas the school my kids go to has more of a wide and diverse range of kids of all walks of life. But, because Nicholas was already enrolled in the smaller school, he was allowed to stay there, and it was easy to get Jacob in too.
God's grace? I just see it everywhere. One thing that I have realized the last couple of years is how much He cares. He cares so much about each little detail of our lives and not only does He care, but He finds little ways of showing us His gracious heart. I am amazed and my faith has been fortified.
"...do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7
Sunday, July 8, 2012
THREE!!
Amelia, I cannot believe you are three! When you were born, I couldn't believe that I'd gotten a baby girl, and I still can't believe I have you. You are everything a mommy could hope to have in a little girl. You are beautiful, inside and out, and I love you even more than you love pink! :)
Your first name means "industrious" and your second name speaks for itself - "Grace." We could not have picked a better name for you; you are the essence of "industrious grace." You are my busy girl, always finding a way to keep yourself occupied and reaching out to help mommy or anyone else who needs it. Yet you do it with such a graceful spirit, and mommy loves your gentle, caring heart.
I feel so utterly privileged to be allowed to raise you, and watch you grow up. I have enjoyed every second of seeing you become such an amazing little girl! Happy birthday, sweet girl!
Thursday, July 5, 2012
A lesson in the afternoon.
Yesterday afternoon I was walking along the waterfront with my kids, enjoying the warm yet refreshing breeze blowing in off the harbour. Up ahead we could see a large group of children running around, playing games.
"Who are they, Mommy?" asked one of the boys.
"Oh, that looks like a day-camp," I replied. "Do you think you guys would like to go to a day-camp everyday of the summer instead of being at home all the time?"
"No," Nicholas answered with confident conviction. "I wouldn't. I would hate to go to a day-camp. I would rather be at home."
I'm not entirely sure if he even really understood what a day-camp actually is, but to him, whatever it was could not compare to being at home. See, I have often considered (albeit very briefly, and not too seriously) looking into sending my boys to some kind of summer-camp activity, if not everyday, then at least a couple of days a week. People have said to me on more than one occasion, that I should send them to a camp to get them out of my hair. And judging from the amount of kids at the park today - not with their mothers - it seems to be the norm.
Another thing that happened to seal my growing conviction against day-camps: We were walking into the children's section of the library and Jacob and Amelia immediately ran to check out the toys. I asked Nicholas why he didn't go look to see what there was to play with and he says, "No, I'd rather sit down and talk to you." We had been discussing various Halifax topics while we ate our Tim Horton's under the shade of a tree at the park. One, the Halifax Explosion in which I tried to explain falteringly the whens and hows of the whole ordeal. Two, there is a broken propeller on display at the park and I told the kids I used to climb on it when I was a kid myself and that began a whole discussion about the propeller, why it was there and even more interesting, why it was broken. Nicholas feels very intrigued by life and always has a million and one questions about anything that piques his interest. So, when we got to the library, he wanted to continue picking my brain for answers. Not that I have many, but to him I am Knowledge personified. Or something.
Anyway, my point is, I cannot imagine packing my kids off to a camp everyday. I really needed these little instances to happen today though. Yesterday was officially the first day of summer vacation, where it was just the kids and I and nothing on our to-do list except laundry and a trip to Costco. I dread those kind of days. And I was not disappointed: Their behaviour almost had me locking myself in my room a couple of times. They were tired from our busy weekend and I was not in the mood. And then today, although they were in a much better frame of mind, and overall it was a much better day than yesterday, there were still a couple of moments when the frustration rose a little bit too high.
But is life supposed to be easy? If I find being a mom hard, am I supposed to take the easy way out and ship them off to a day-camp so I don't have to face the grimy, exhausting task before me? I have been called to this and my kids need me. They need me to rise to the occasion and be their mom, even when I really don't feel like it.
And I have to say, I loved our afternoon of Tim Horton's and chatting under a tree, on a breezy and beautiful summer day.
"Who are they, Mommy?" asked one of the boys.
"Oh, that looks like a day-camp," I replied. "Do you think you guys would like to go to a day-camp everyday of the summer instead of being at home all the time?"
"No," Nicholas answered with confident conviction. "I wouldn't. I would hate to go to a day-camp. I would rather be at home."
I'm not entirely sure if he even really understood what a day-camp actually is, but to him, whatever it was could not compare to being at home. See, I have often considered (albeit very briefly, and not too seriously) looking into sending my boys to some kind of summer-camp activity, if not everyday, then at least a couple of days a week. People have said to me on more than one occasion, that I should send them to a camp to get them out of my hair. And judging from the amount of kids at the park today - not with their mothers - it seems to be the norm.
Another thing that happened to seal my growing conviction against day-camps: We were walking into the children's section of the library and Jacob and Amelia immediately ran to check out the toys. I asked Nicholas why he didn't go look to see what there was to play with and he says, "No, I'd rather sit down and talk to you." We had been discussing various Halifax topics while we ate our Tim Horton's under the shade of a tree at the park. One, the Halifax Explosion in which I tried to explain falteringly the whens and hows of the whole ordeal. Two, there is a broken propeller on display at the park and I told the kids I used to climb on it when I was a kid myself and that began a whole discussion about the propeller, why it was there and even more interesting, why it was broken. Nicholas feels very intrigued by life and always has a million and one questions about anything that piques his interest. So, when we got to the library, he wanted to continue picking my brain for answers. Not that I have many, but to him I am Knowledge personified. Or something.
Anyway, my point is, I cannot imagine packing my kids off to a camp everyday. I really needed these little instances to happen today though. Yesterday was officially the first day of summer vacation, where it was just the kids and I and nothing on our to-do list except laundry and a trip to Costco. I dread those kind of days. And I was not disappointed: Their behaviour almost had me locking myself in my room a couple of times. They were tired from our busy weekend and I was not in the mood. And then today, although they were in a much better frame of mind, and overall it was a much better day than yesterday, there were still a couple of moments when the frustration rose a little bit too high.
But is life supposed to be easy? If I find being a mom hard, am I supposed to take the easy way out and ship them off to a day-camp so I don't have to face the grimy, exhausting task before me? I have been called to this and my kids need me. They need me to rise to the occasion and be their mom, even when I really don't feel like it.
And I have to say, I loved our afternoon of Tim Horton's and chatting under a tree, on a breezy and beautiful summer day.
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