If there's one thing I've realized, it's that life can change in an instant. One day you're fine; the next you're having odd symptoms. Life is uncertain, but somehow when things are going well, it's easy to forget how very fragile we all are. My nature is such that when anything out of the ordinary happens, I feel terrified. The future looms so dark and ominous and nothing feels right or certain. I think health issues are among the scariest things in life, because it's so beyond our control. That feeling of not being in control is not a nice one.
But the thing is, even when life is going well, it's not going well because I'm in control. It's going well because God has seen fit to bless me with a season of relative calm. It's not because I'm holding tightly to the reins of safety and health and happiness. Rather, these things are all gifts and they can all be taken away at any given moment.
I started off these three weeks feeling dread like I've never felt before. I've wept. I've lost weight (not a bad thing, haha!) and I've prayed. Long and hard. Lest you think I've gained such insight in a brief three week period, let me tell you that these last weeks have never felt so long. It feels like half a year has passed since the end of May. I have battled in my heart so endlessly that I am tired of it. But here is what I've learned:
1. God is still God. In still being God, this means He still loves me, He still knows the future, and He knows the number of my days. Whatever path I have walk down, He knows it already.
2. I am not promised tomorrow. None of us are. I am given today as a precious gift and it is up to me to be thankful and enjoy it.
3. God's strength is more than sufficient for today, just like He promised. (Imagine that.)
4. When I wake up in the morning, I am breathing, walking, and able to care for my family, and I praise Him for that. All of those things are blessings from His hand, and I would do well to thank Him. No sense wasting a perfectly good day of His grace, with fretting and worrying about an unknown future.
5. His joy and peace are still there for the taking, even when I feel scared. When I rest in the fact that He loves me and has my best in mind, I have no need to fear. Whatever health issues await me in the future, I know He will be there.
When life feels uncertain, it makes you appreciate the blessings all the more. In the past, I have (shamefully) uttered the words, "I hate my life!" in moments of frustration. I can tell you right now, I will never say that again. I love my life. My husband and kids have never felt more precious to me. I love my beautiful home and our new property in the country. I am so deeply thankful for all these amazing gifts I've been given. And today, while I still have it, I am choosing to drink in the joy that is still there. He is still here and has never, will never, let me go.
