To change or not to change.

One of the biggest life lessons that most people learn, or hopefully learn, by the time they are adults, is that you can't change anyone but yourself. This huge life lesson, wrapped up in one simple statement, carries a lot of weight and is one of those things that can be applied to any relationship in your life, however big or small. I've found it true in friendships, and it's especially true in marriage. It all comes down to not holding a grudge against anyone, and realizing that although the other person is carrying around a lot of "stuff," maybe my "stuff" is even bigger. Well, my stuff is the only stuff I can really deal with anyway, so why not work on that first? Kind of like pulling the plank out of my own eye before trying to work on the speck in someone else's... I believe Someone very important said that.

WELL... I had a revelation the other day and it's this: The simple adage "you can't change anyone but yourself" also works in the parent/child relationship. See, the thing is is that I think deep down inside of me I have the ability to change my kids. Maybe I just feel that as their mom - and that "mom" word encompasses the fact that I carried them around not so comfortably in my womb for nine months - I have the God-given right to make them into who I want them to be, to change the things that are wrong about them. Or more accurately, the things I think are wrong with them. Don't get me wrong, I know as their mom I have a huge influence on their lives. I am shaping who they will one day be and I know this. But shaping and influencing is a far cry from trying to change the heart of who they are.

I see things in my kids that I don't like, but very often (all the time) the very things I complain about in them, are the things that I struggle with the most in my own heart. Shouting in anger, sarcasm, selfishness to the nth degree. Yep, got those covered. When I see it in my kids, it's like I'm looking in a mirror and I do not like it one little bit. My instinct is to get it out of them, to show them where they're going wrong since I know all too well the place of darkness that it is coming from. I could say that I am concerned because I don't want them to have to carry the weight of these sins their whole life, but really I think it's just that I hate having my own faults become so glaringly obvious.

I wonder though if I took the time, with the Lord's help, to really change myself, if it wouldn't carry a lot more weight with them. Trying to change the way I behave, will most certainly have an impact - influence - on them. Instead of me trying to change them, why don't I teach them how to let the Lord change their hearts? Rather than being a nit-picking, nagging mother, why do I not just give them over to the Lord and let Him do the dirty work? After all, I have no power to change them, even as their mom.

I used to think I had that power, but thankfully the Lord is teaching me that He's a much better candidate for the job.