I feel like a regular pioneer.

Before we moved, last fall when our townhouse first went on the market, one of our kids really struggled with the thought of leaving the place he'd always called home. One night, when the feeling was new, we cried together in his bedroom. Rather, I blubbered and he tried to act brave. :) I tried to explain to him that what we would be leaving behind were just four walls. The important things, we'd be taking those with us. And even more than things, the people that make our home would be going too. Still, it's hard to imagine until it actually happens... The unknown is always scary. 

Here we are, more than four months later, and I can honestly say, this place is starting to feel like home. Truly, four walls are just four walls. The essence of our home is the people in it. And for that, I am extraordinarily thankful.

How quickly the weather changes where we live!

This is our basement rec room where we officially do school...

And the dining room is where we most often end up during the day...

And this is where Mommy goes when she needs a break...

We're starting to feel settled and like we've always been here.

Helpful books.

The other day I was discussing parenting with my sister and I told her to take all her parenting books and have a bonfire. Then, I told her to never pick up another one unless I've recommended it because I know from hard-won experience which ones are helpful, inspiring and edifying. So, I thought I would compile a list of the books that were pivotal in shaping how I parent, or more accurately, how I view parenting. When I first became a mom, I thought there was a formula to follow that would spit out perfectly behaved children. Three children later (including a very, very strong-willed one) and I am no longer under any illusions. I've come to discover that all you can do is 1. love your child with your whole self and 2. keep pointing them to Christ, while storming the gates of heaven for them. Really. That's it. Training and discipline have their place for sure. But I've found that in the world, and specifically in Christian circles, methods of parenting are almost held up as idols. It's really truly disheartening and for a new mom, downright depressing. If I've come to discover anything, it's that there is no one-size-fits all way to do things for every family. The way we raise our kids will be as different and unique as we are. It's about finding what works for your own family.

So, what do these books in my list have in common? Well, first of all none of them claim to have found God's only holy way of parenting. Second, they inspire and encourage and point a parent in the only direction that is helpful - towards God - and not to some elusive method.

In no particular order:

Desperate: Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe by Sarah Mae and Sally Clarkson
- I am just reading this book for the first time now, and how I heartily wish I'd had it eight years ago when I was just starting out!! It's message would have been music to my ears.

One Thing: Top Tip (from a mom of six) by Jess Connell
- This one is specifically geared to new moms and I found it to be super helpful, even though I read it as a more seasoned mom. But the one tip she gives is truly the one tip you need.

Sacred Parenting by Gary Thomas
- This book focused on how parenting changes the parent and resonated so much with me. I've felt for so long that God is doing so much to change me through my kids and I just felt the author nailed it.

Hope for the Weary Mom: Where God Meets You in Your Mess by Stacey Thacker and Brooke McGlothlin
- I cried buckets when I read this book. It came at such a timely place in my journey and was probably the beginning of the road I started to take in my approach to parenting a year or two ago.

Am I Messing Up My Kids? by Lysa TerKeurst
- This book is in the style of a Bible study, with questions and Bible passages to read at the end of every chapter. It was just what my bruised heart needed to start healing from some past regrets.

Anger: Handling a Powerful Emotion in a Healthy Way by Gary Chapman
- This book is not necessarily geared to parenting, but it talks about how to manage one's own anger (as a parent) and there is a chapter on helping children deal with anger. As someone who struggles with anger and with a child who has this issue as well, I found this book super helpful.

These are the books I can think of off the top of my head. I will keep adding to it as I think of more.

What will I do with today?

Today I babysat a two-year-old and it's amazing to me that I have utterly forgotten what it's like to have a toddler. There is a special kind of tired that comes with having a child that young in the house. When I was in that stage a few years ago with my kids, I remember that it seemed like the days would never end. And then eventually, the years pass and now here I am with school-age children and life feels easier. It isn't that we don't ever have problems and I am certainly tired still, but it's different. Easier. I don't have to have that constant piece of myself tuned into 'what is the toddler doing now' mode.

I reminisced a lot today with myself, thinking back to those brief years that seemed so long at the time. When I think about it, there is a lot of regret in my heart. Some things and situations just felt so tough and I handled them so badly. Looking back though, I wonder how much of it was just my expectations that made everything seem so hard. For example, I expected my two year old to behave like the boys I knew who were four years older than he was. Automatic fail. I was too hard on him and when I think about it now, it breaks my heart. I fear so deeply that the issues we face today are a direct result of how high my expectations for him were. I wish so much that I could have just let him be who he was.

This seriously haunts me. Recently I read a book by Lysa TerKeurst called, 'Am I Messing Up My Kids?' The Lord used it to start healing my heart, as she reminded me that God's grace covers it all, even the horrible mom moments. She spoke a lot of Psalm 103 and as I read the Psalm over and over again, I clung to it. I still do. Guilt is so paralysing but I do not have to hold onto it. I can let it go and remember that God has it covered. All of it will be worked out for my good, and my kids'. I can learn from it and keep it at the forefront, not to berate myself, but to help me be a better mom now. I cannot have yesterday back but I have today. God is taking care of all my yesterdays, tomorrows, and He is with me today too.

For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us. As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him. For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust. As for man, his days are like grass; he flourishes like a flower of the field; for the wind passes over it, and it is gone, and its place knows it no more. But the steadfast love of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear him, and his righteousness to children's children... Psalm 103:11-17

Quiet strength.

I lift up my eyes to the hills.

From where does my help come?

My help comes from the LORD,

who made heaven and earth.

Psalm 121:1

Sitting in my quiet living room, looking out my window at the vast beauty, I cannot help but think of the Creator. In the deep corners of my heart, I question Him. Through His word He answers: My grace is sufficient for you. I am so thankful for the view out my window and the reminder that God is here. 

A new year, a new home.

Tonight I am sitting on my brand new leather couch - my treat for following my hubby to the boonies :) - listening to the rain being pelted against the windows by extremely strong wind, in my cozy little country house. We've been here since the 7th and in some ways, it feels like we've been here forever. 

Most people are surprised when they hear that I, Laura, am now living in the country. It is weird, even to me. I am one who likes to have the comforts of city life and would probably classify myself as a city girl. I'm not sure when I changed, or what changed me, but I do think that God had more than a little to do with it. Ever since Lucas and I got married twelve years ago, he's been discussing and dreaming of one day moving away from the city and specifically, finding a little property in the country. I don't know, I guess my mind and heart gradually accepted that this could be a very real possibility. And somewhere along the way, his dream became mine. And so, here I sit and I feel nothing less than content. 

I actually look back in awe at the last few months, starting back in June when we decided to homeschool. It seriously has God's fingerprints all over it. As I've explained it to a couple people already, it just feels like it was taken out of our hands and we were just going along for the ride. Even the little things I worried about, especially one child in particular who was less than thrilled at the thought of moving, have been graciously taken care of. It's like He's saying to me, "See? You had nothing to worry about. All that fretting? I had it under control all along." 

I think there is a reason for us to be out here. Many reasons, maybe. For one, I think it is going to do the kids a world of good to have a large property to grow up on. It opens the door for many different and new possibilities. Some exciting (wood stoves, 4H clubs, beautiful skylines) some less so (dead mice by the front porch, hot water that sometimes runs out, the commute to the city) but either way I'm sure we will do lots of stretching and growing here. For the better.

So, here I am. A country girl. I'm sure I will have lots of stories to tell so stay tuned :)