A boy's love.

It has been such a long time since I've written here. I've wanted my blog to be a place of encouragement for other moms, a place where I share what I'm learning on the journey. I've been having a bit of writer's block lately, but mostly I feel like if I write anything it's going to be like the blind leading the blind. Not that I feel like I am leading anyone in any way, just, you know, how can I possibly feel like I can share what I'm learning when sometimes it feels like I've learned absolutely nothing? There has been some serious attitude going on in our home lately, and not just from the kids. My kids are bad, yes, and I'm sure that is not going to change anytime soon, but what I cannot handle, is me. I believe sometimes that 80% of the drama that goes on here is because of me. I am the kind of person who feels like her point needs to be made, even if it is the exact wrong moment to making it. Pair this with a child who is exactly like me, and you can probably see what kind of circular, endless arguments we get ourselves into. Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is, don't be like me.

In typical God fashion, prodding me to His greener pastures, I read this verse this morning, during a study of Esther of all things, and the first part hit home: "The heart of the wise teaches his mouth..." Proverbs 16:23 Now, I realize this is going to seem random to some, but when you have my problem (verbal diarrhea, ha!) this verse speaks volumes. I promptly wrote it out, taped it to my cupboard door and I've been thinking about it all day. I shared it with my boy (who is afflicted with the same problem as I) and we both thought about what it means for us. We have to teach our mouths to keep quiet. We need to ask ourselves if what we're about to say is helpful or kind and if not, then don't say it. It is so very, very hard, but we're trying.

It's been a hard few weeks and no one knows this more than my long-suffering children. Today, I was sitting in my chair, reading when I felt a paper airplane whoosh past me and land on the floor. I ignored it, as this is par for the course in our home. Half-hour later at supper, Nicholas says, "Mommy, did you read the airplane?" Instant understanding dawned on me. "No," I said, "but go get it and I'll read it now." When he brought it to me, on the top part of the plane I saw, Unfold at Once!! So unfold it I did and inside I found a page half-coloured in green (his favourite colour) with a pink heart in the middle. It said - to: mommy from: Nick  My boy, my intense, feelings-burying, non-expressive boy felt like he needed to tell me that he loved me in the only way he knew how. His way of reaching out and mending his part of the fence. And this, this is what makes being a mom so worth it.

Food.

It's been a long time since I've updated this blog. It's not that I haven't had anything to say, but I guess I just haven't felt the need to articulate whatever has been on my mind.

Lately I've been in cooking/baking mode. Which is really, really, really weird for me. I've always professed to hate both cooking and baking, but for whatever reason, I've been spending lots of time in the kitchen lately. Maybe it's because my family needs to you know, eat, or maybe it's largely denial that I am supposed to be losing weight, or who really knows. Whatever the case may be, I've come across some really yummy recipes lately. Shall I share?

Goulash - This was a real hit with Lucas and I and although the kids weren't the biggest fans, it was one of those meals that I could convince to eat without any tears.

Mac and Cheese - This is from my new cookbook that Lucas got me for Christmas, Picky Palate. I've been on the search for the perfect mac'n'cheese since Lucas is uber-picky about how his mac'n'cheese tastes and I also wanted one that the kids would feel was a good substitute for Kraft Dinner, so when I tried the one from this cookbook, and it was two-thumbs-up from hubby and kids, I was thrilled! I've made it a few times. It's so easy and so, so yummy. It's perfect alone for a lunch, or a side at supper-time. If you would like the recipe just let me know!

My favourite chocolate chip oatmeal muffins have always been the Quaker packaged kind, so I've always been on the lookout for a recipe that came close to the taste of that kind. I finally found it online and of course I totally forget where, but I've got it copied in my recipe book if anyone wants it. They taste just like the packaged kind but I feel good about feeding them to my family because they're homemade without all the gross preservatives in them.

One Sunday night I had a craving for waffles. I am not always the biggest waffle fan as I find waffles very heavy and cakey sometimes. I do eat them, but always kind of wish they were lighter and fluffier and less sickening. Well, I went online and searched 'fluffy waffles' and came up with this one.  SO YUM. Best waffles ever. I didn't make the syrup that they recommended, but the waffles were amazing. Light, crisp yet soft and melt-in-your-mouth. This recipe has become a Sunday night or Saturday morning staple in our house.

And there you have it. Since I have been becoming more adventurous in the kitchen, not with my own creations of course (I'm not there yet) but with new recipes, I'm sure I'll be sharing a lot more in the future! Stay tuned!

A gift.

One of my favourite Christmas presents this year was from my mom and dad. A canvas painting with a saying on it:

This photo of it is terrible, but it at least gives you an idea of what it looks like. Someday I will learn some basic photography skills. Anyway, here is what is says, since it's not at all clear in the photo:

In this house we do second chances

we do grace

we do real

we do mistakes

we do I'm sorrys

we do hugs

we do family

we do love

First of all, I love the painting. That door standing ajar, open with possibilities, just makes me happy. But most of all I love what it says. It is so 'me' and suits our family so much. 

Thanks again, Mom and Dad!

A new year.

A new year always feels fresh and hopeful and when you also throw in a good dose of household organization it feels downright cleansing. We've been busy as bees over our Christmas vacation, re-situating furniture and re-placing pictures on our walls. Towards the end of last year I was feeling really discouraged about the way our house was starting to look, you know, just generally getting sick and tired of the same old stuff. Well, I am here to tell you that just rearranging what we already have did wonders for this girl's mood! I feel like I can face life with the same old ugly livingroom furniture, now that I have a couple of fresh new curtain panels for my windows and changing up the wall-hangings. When you're on a budget, you need to work with what you have, but I do like to change things to keep from feeling like I'm going nuts. Not sure if anyone else ever feels like that. Could just be me...

And, in other news, we bought an elliptical. Although it's a rather large purchase (and yes, I am fully aware of the contradictoryness of saying we're on a budget and then whipping out this random bit of news, but life is generally pretty perplexing, no?) we felt that it was the only way either of us was going to get any exercise. We're hoping that since it's right there, staring us in our faces that we'll hop on it everyday. Unfortunately we are too lazy to go outside and walk so an elliptical might be the answer for us. Anyway, we are going to try. Wish us luck.

I'm looking forward to this year and seeing what it holds. I have renewed determination to be there for my kids and husband and really be intentional about how I live my life for the Lord. It feels exciting!

Six.

That smile and that sparkle in your eye has been blessing us for six years now! So hard for me to believe you're growing up, baby boy. Where is the time going? Thank you for being you, Cubba. Life would not be the same without your gentleness. Happiest of birthdays to you, big boy!

Most wonderful time of the year.

My tendency is to dwell on the negative in life, but honestly, I have a great life. Things are not always peaches and cream of course, but I feel like as I'm getting older, I'm learning how to embrace both the bad and the good. I hope that somewhere deep within myself I am becoming more content and satisfied with the life I've been given.

We decorated a little bit earlier than normal this year. Partly because we're going away shortly after Christmas, partly because the "kids" couldn't wait any longer, and partly because we just felt like it. If you look closely, you'll notice a few gifts under the tree already. That is my husband's doing. They're for me. He said since I put the tree up so early, I have to now sit and look at three wrapped gifts all month long. He knows I can't wait for Christmas and that my hands are itching to dig in and unwrap. He is so mean. :)

Also, to the right of tree, on the table, you can see our little Advent House. Each little door has a number, all the way to twenty-five. I put a little treat in the right door each day for the kids and it thrills them to no end. I love making little traditions for them to enjoy, knowing that they'll always remember it when they're older. 

I love Christmas.

Learning all the time.

I was able to get my hands on a copy of How to Really Love Your Angry Child and just finished reading it today. Such a great read! I highly recommend it. I feel very jaded about most parenting books these days, and generally try not to read them anymore as I find them more discouraging than anything else. This one however, was an exception and I'm so glad I took the time to read it!

Basically, the author gives kids the permission to 'vent' their anger, and it is the parents' responsibility to learn to not in turn react in anger, intensifying the situation, and teaching nothing to the child in the process. The point is to use their angry moments to teach them how to handle their anger, not to get into a yelling argument with them, which only makes the whole thing worse. This is huge for me. It's something I always knew, yet never really quite realized how easily I could perpetuate my kids' anger. The author dedicated a whole chapter to the parent called, "Starting with the face in the mirror." So true. If I cannot learn to manage my own anger, then how in the world am I to teach my kids anything different? Responding to them with love and patience is absolutely key in handling explosive situations.

Another thing the author really stressed was to make sure your kids' "love tanks" are constantly being filled. In general, children are less likely to act out if they feel loved. This is a big generality, because of course even the most loved child is going to misbehave, but I figure it doesn't hurt to love on my kids a lot more than I have been known to do. It's just so easy to get stuck in my day and wish for bedtime to roll around instead of enjoying the little moments of spending time with them.

I've already put Calm Laura into practice and it really helps. It doesn't mean that there aren't tantrums being thrown, it just means that I am trying harder to keep myself from throwing a fit at the same time. I can stress enough how much it helps us resolve the issue at hand so much easier and so much more gracefully. Again, this is all stuff that I've always known I should be doing (keeping calm, not reacting in anger) but it really helps to be reminded of it every now and again. It's too easy to get stuck in a rut and start spiraling out of control.

Even if you don't have a child that you would classify as 'angry' this book is still very helpful and thought-provoking!