Heart strings.

I feel so out of my depth as a mother. Sometimes I wonder why I was blessed with three children, because I do not know what I am doing. There are so many women, who feel they were born to be mothers, yet are never able to have one of their own. I do not understand God's sense of irony (and I don't mean to sound disrespectful). I think He gives us what we are most uncomfortable with. I am going to ask Him why someday. It's got to be more than just honing me into a better person, to be more like God. Because the process doesn't seem to working too quickly on me.

Anyway, we've had a wretched few weeks. I won't get into the nittt-gritty details because I don't want to sound like I'm complaining. Suffice it to say, I've considered running away more in the last few weeks than I have in my entire life. I'm not complaining. I know how good I have it. I just wish these kids had been sent with a manual each. That would've helped a lot.

This afternoon was bad. Very bad. I just downright do not know what to do when my kids throw a fit/talk back/hit each other/you name it. I have a tendency to fly off the handle at them, simply because I do not know what else to do. Am I supposed to just let them get away with it? Watch them hit each other to death? Put up with their saucy mouths? Let them scream themselves blue? Are other people's kids like this? As I'm writing it out, I'm realizing how horrible it sounds. People can't possibly go through what I go through. (insert Pity Party here)

So, to get to the point, (yes, there is a point to all this rambling), after we all melted down to everyone's satisfaction (because what good is a day if we don't all throw a fit at the same time?), Nicholas and I had the following conversation:

Me: Why do you guys always have to fight? (in a very annoyed/frustrated/get me out of here kind of voice)
Nicholas: We are trying our very best Mommy but you just get mad at us. You're the mom and you have to the be the responsible one because we learn from you. (Yes he really said that to me.)
Me: So you learned how to hit and yell from Mommy?
Nicholas: Well, we didn't learn hitting, but we learned yelling.
I then tried to defend myself, feebly.
And then he comes and gives me a hug so tight I couldn't breathe.

Where did this child come from? One minute I am ready to run away with the circus, the next I am in tears I love them so much. Roller coaster ride, anyone?

* I should point out that I sometimes double post things between my blog and Facebook. I know some of you only read this blog and don't have Facebook, but I know some of you do both, so I apologize if you have to read things twice. :)