Big birthday boy.

My Jacob is five years old today!

This family would not be complete without you, Cub! Even though you bounce through life with endless energy, your sweet and gentle spirit is much needed in our loud and chaotic home. Your beautiful smile lights up our lives and your loyalty and generous heart don't go unnoticed, big boy! Mommy is so proud of the way you have adjusted to school this year, fitting in there like you've gone your whole life. You've adjusted so well to your new glasses too and I love how you take big changes in your stride.

Cubba, I hope you have the most wonderful birthday ever and Mommy prays that God will bless you during your sixth year of life. I love you so much, sweet boy!

A little trip.

This week, I got to go away. 

Just me and the hubby. 

It was so... relaxing, fun, quiet. 

We got to... 

...Eat our meals in peace, no hopping up and down to get the milk, no constant reminders for 

children to sit, no shovelling food in little mouths. 

...Come and go to our hearts' content, without the worry of tiring the kids, or helping 

them in and out of the car. 

...Sleep in. Although we found we couldn't, at least it was our own 

choice to get up and start the day. 

...Do whatever we wanted. We sat together in silence. I read a book. We watched TV. We played games. Lucas got the fireplace going each evening to make the cottage cozy. We walked the beach. Swam in the pool. Went to town. Shopped. 

Relaxed.

It was sheer bliss. It's over now though. Back to the grind. It was a well-deserved trip, if I do say so myself.

I love my kids. But it was nice to have a little break. It makes me appreciate them all the more.

A sad picture showing what ten years of marriage does to a couple.  :)

TEN years!

Some days it feels like yesterday; 

other days it feels more like twenty. 

But either way...

it's been ten years since we got married. 

Where did the time go?

Thank you, Lucas, 

for loving me when I'm unlovable, 

seeing the best in me when I'm at my worst,

for the patience and tenderness you never fail to show me,

and for thinking I still look like a thin and pretty 20 year old. :)

I love you.

Halloween.

Every year, when Halloween rolls around again, I always have to re-evaluate why it is that we don't celebrate the holiday. I know why we don't, but when we are questioned, or when I hear about other Christians who do celebrate, it always makes me think.

It's not because it's a "pagan" holiday. I hate when people use that excuse for not celebrating. That makes no sense to me. Most of our so-called "Christian" traditions stem from some pagan ritual or another. Even Christmas and Easter have pagan roots. I think even our usage of wedding bouquets and bridesmaids comes from an ancient idea that these things would ward off evil spirits. I really don't think pagan origins of any given holiday should necessarily determine whether we celebrate something in our modern world. And really, who knows for sure what really happened in ancient cultures that are thousands of years old.

There is also the whole other side to Halloween. The "cute" side. The argument that, well we dress up in cute stuff and make it fun and not scary, never really sits well with me either. I think, for me, it's the whole idea of death that comes out in this holiday that really turns me off. Because really, it is a holiday about death, whether you dress up as a fairy princess or not. I know that most people do not claim to celebrate death, but all you have to do is drive down the street and before long, you will see yards set up as cemeteries, corpses hanging from trees, blinking vampires and ghosts or skeletons. Gross.

The world is a dark place. Death and demons are real. People suffer from the horror of these things every day. If I was a mother who had just lost a child to suicide, I would be truly horrified and offended if I drove down the street and saw a fake corpse dangling from tree. Or if I had just freshly buried a loved one, and saw a fake graveyard on someones lawn, I would feel mocked. Not that everyone decorates like that, but still it's the idea of identifying myself and my family with something so sad and horrifying. I feel that Halloween makes a mockery of death and evil. Like none of us should be afraid because it's all just a big joke anyway.

Evil is so real that Jesus needed to do something to help us. He, in fact, had to die to rescue us from it. If He shed His own blood so that we can have light and life, then why are we celebrating darkness and death? Even if I dress up my kids in "good" characters, am I not still kind of saying that I support what Halloween stands for? To make a fun joke out of something that cost Jesus His life?

And that is why we don't celebrate Halloween.

Eleven years.

Eleven years ago today, I got engaged. I was young, naive, and had no idea what real love really was. Thankfully, the Lord had His hand in it and here we are, eleven years later, learning a little more each day how to love each other better.

To my wonderful hubby: Thank you for asking me to be your wife. You make me laugh. You encourage me when I'm down. You ignore my drama. You're an amazing daddy to our babies. And you have the patience of Job. I don't know what I'd do without you and I love you more than I know how to express.

Our engagement happened pre-digital camera so I do not have a picture to share. Which is probably just as well. Seeing our skinny selves might make me cry. :)

Parenting. Again.

I've been thinking a lot lately about the verse:

"Train up a child in the way he should go

and when he is old he will not depart from it." 

- Proverbs 22:6

Sometimes I feel that parenting is like a boat, and all the other parents are safely on it with their kids, while I frantically try to swim to catch up, with my kids barely hanging onto me. The water is cold, choppy and very uncertain and I'm pretty sure my kids and I are going to drown. Okay, maybe that sounds over dramatic, but that is honestly how I feel sometimes. I think the one thing I hate most about parenting (don't worry, there are things I love about it, too) is that there is no way of knowing. There is no way to gauge if my yelling is going to turn them into wife beaters (oh yes, you wouldn't believe the things I worry about!), or if our chosen means of discipline is the one that is truly teaching them, or whether they are going to turn into monsters or brain surgeons. So many unanswerable questions. I just don't know. And that is what drags me down. When I see them throwing a fit, I wonder if it's because I yelled at them one too many times. When I see them hitting, I wonder if I've created someone who will never be able to control their anger. If they fight, I fear they will never love one another.

I think I am way too hard on myself. Slowly I have been coming to the realization that there are two gauges to at least somewhat know if I am doing the right thing. One is my husband. He is quick to encourage me and gently show me where I need to change. He tells me I am a good mother, and he would know. He is the only one who truly sees how I mother our kids. The other gauge is the Lord. Which brings me to the verse I quoted above. I think, if I am really praying for my kids (like really praying, not just sending up a prayer to get through this next tantrum), if I am making my best effort to tell them about God, to tell them how to be loving, to apologize to them when I do yell, then everything will be okay. I only have today anyway and tomorrow, I believe, will take care of itself. I need to seriously do my part, to honestly make an effort to show them how much I love them and correct them when they do wrong. This is it. This is all I have to do. I tend to over-complicate things and I want a result NOW. I want them to behave like adults now. But they're not. They're still babies. When I think about how patient God is with me, I should be very humbled indeed.

SO... the verse above has been speaking to me, like I said. If you really think about it, it's actually really simple. Train them. When they are old (not children), they won't depart from what you've taught. I always get hung up on the particulars, and drive myself crazy over-thinking things and then getting caught up on guilt when I do mess up. I am not perfect and have never claimed to be. But for some reason I have always expected my kids to be. It sounds ridiculous, but it's true. I think really what it boils down to is that parenting is hard work. I balk at it. I don't feel like it. It isn't easy so it's easier to just let it go. No one ever tells you just how hard it is going to be, and I wish people were more honest about it. I'd rather hear from someone, "Yes, my son throws tantrums at six years of age and this is how we deal with it", rather than, "My kids don't throw tantrums!" Sorry, I am starting to rant and that's not the point of this post!

Anyway, that is what I have been learning. I have such a long way to go, but I am trying.

Summer snaps.

I have mentioned before that I am terrible at taking pictures. This summer proved to be no different, but we did manage to get a few:

This was taken at the end of the summer when soccer was almost over and actually not even taken by us, but a professional who photographed the whole team. I think he looks pretty proud, don't you?

 

This was a from a one day trip we took to PEI in May with my family. I can't believe how much they've changed in just a few short months.

Playing tennis with Daddy.

Mommy leaves the room for two minutes at the library and comes back to find Jacob's chosen the Batman face paint. Oh well, what can you do? :)

We took a trip to Ontario and have, sadly, very few pictures, but this is one of them. Amelia playing on Auntie Marie's trampoline.

...And the boys helping Uncle Arnold and their cousins do something farm-related. I couldn't tell you what! Nicholas is convinced he will be a farmer someday though.

Me and two of my babies at a soccer game.

An impromptu trip to PEI at the end of August, and once again very few pics, but here is one of the kids standing outside the Toy Factory. She looks so calm, but minutes later Amelia would throw a grandaddy fit because I wouldn't get her the toy she wanted.

And that pretty much sums up our summer. A few little trips here and there, but mostly just hanging out and having fun, or at least trying to. I still don't like summer very much, but we made it and it wasn't the end of the world. I just really wish we took more pictures. :(