Bitterness is impatient and unkind; bitterness envies and boasts; it is arrogant and rude. It insists on its own way; it is irritable and resentful; it rejoices at wrongdoing, but does not rejoice with truth.
I'm sure you've never heard that passage from 1 Corinthians 13 in quite that way before. I always thought that hatred was the opposite of love, but I'm coming to believe that it's actually bitterness. Bitterness encompasses a lot of different negative emotions, clearly the opposite ones to those which love fosters. In our world, everyone has a reason to be bitter. There is too much broken and wrong with life for all of us
not to have things to be bitter about. Bitterness stems from a sense of injustice, from our pride being wrinkled and holding a grudge of resentment towards whoever has wronged us. This is where it begins, anyway. But this is only the root. Once that root is there, much bitterness flourishes, and spreads, and wraps its tentacles around everything and everyone the bitter person comes into contact with.
See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled. Hebrews 12:15
I feel like I can talk about this because I deal with it everyday in my own heart. None of us are immune to it and I am no exception. I might pride myself on the fact that I don't allow bitterness to affect my friendships, but then I will find deep bitterness in regards to how my kids are maturing (or more accurately not maturing) or I might feel resentful and bitter against my husband. The point though is to not let it fester and grow and take root, but rather to give it over to God and let Him deal with whatever injustice you might be bristling from. It isn't easy, but I know from experience that it is doable and He always comes through.
I've lived long enough to watch several different people suffer from bitterness. It is a devastating sight to behold. It helps no one, least of all the person who can't let it go. I have seen families ripped apart because of it, grudges held for years. I feel like the saying, "You can only change yourself" is starting to become really over-used but it is very true. Because this is what the difference between letting bitterness grow or rooting it out: People are going to do things to hurt you. They are going to say things that don't make sense and rub you the wrong way. They might even hurt you or someone you love in a really damaging way. But when the wrong has been done to you, you need to let it go. If you carry all that offended pride inside of you, it is going to fester and poison you, and eventually everyone else around you too. You have no control over what others do, but you do have control over what you do, how you react to situations. When you stand before God someday, He is not going to be asking you about what others did to you, but what you did to others.
I've found it effective to just let the offenses roll off my back, pick them up off the floor and hand them to God. This is much easier said than done, as sometimes what someone does or says or doesn't do or say can completely rankle. It takes a lot of effort to put aside my own pride and sense of injustice and just let it all go.
Anyway, these thoughts have been rolling around in my head for weeks. I have come face to face with bitterness too many times to not say something about it. It is a very real problem but God wants something better for us. He calls us to love, regardless of how people treat us. His own Son was the living example of loving those who hated Him.
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude.
It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;
it does not rejoice at wrongdoing,
but rejoices with the truth.
1 Corinthians 13:4-6
