A boy's love.

It has been such a long time since I've written here. I've wanted my blog to be a place of encouragement for other moms, a place where I share what I'm learning on the journey. I've been having a bit of writer's block lately, but mostly I feel like if I write anything it's going to be like the blind leading the blind. Not that I feel like I am leading anyone in any way, just, you know, how can I possibly feel like I can share what I'm learning when sometimes it feels like I've learned absolutely nothing? There has been some serious attitude going on in our home lately, and not just from the kids. My kids are bad, yes, and I'm sure that is not going to change anytime soon, but what I cannot handle, is me. I believe sometimes that 80% of the drama that goes on here is because of me. I am the kind of person who feels like her point needs to be made, even if it is the exact wrong moment to making it. Pair this with a child who is exactly like me, and you can probably see what kind of circular, endless arguments we get ourselves into. Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is, don't be like me.

In typical God fashion, prodding me to His greener pastures, I read this verse this morning, during a study of Esther of all things, and the first part hit home: "The heart of the wise teaches his mouth..." Proverbs 16:23 Now, I realize this is going to seem random to some, but when you have my problem (verbal diarrhea, ha!) this verse speaks volumes. I promptly wrote it out, taped it to my cupboard door and I've been thinking about it all day. I shared it with my boy (who is afflicted with the same problem as I) and we both thought about what it means for us. We have to teach our mouths to keep quiet. We need to ask ourselves if what we're about to say is helpful or kind and if not, then don't say it. It is so very, very hard, but we're trying.

It's been a hard few weeks and no one knows this more than my long-suffering children. Today, I was sitting in my chair, reading when I felt a paper airplane whoosh past me and land on the floor. I ignored it, as this is par for the course in our home. Half-hour later at supper, Nicholas says, "Mommy, did you read the airplane?" Instant understanding dawned on me. "No," I said, "but go get it and I'll read it now." When he brought it to me, on the top part of the plane I saw, Unfold at Once!! So unfold it I did and inside I found a page half-coloured in green (his favourite colour) with a pink heart in the middle. It said - to: mommy from: Nick  My boy, my intense, feelings-burying, non-expressive boy felt like he needed to tell me that he loved me in the only way he knew how. His way of reaching out and mending his part of the fence. And this, this is what makes being a mom so worth it.