Me as a mom.

I've always struggled with feeling like a complete failure as a mother. I will never be that mom who always knows what to say, when and how to say it. I will never be that mom who decorates beautiful cakes for her kids and plans elaborate, fun parties for them. I will never be that mom who knows how to dress them well for mere pennies, who consistently teaches them to be who they need to be, who knows how to gently yet firmly impart life-long truths to them through spilled milk and broken dishes. Honestly, I'm more the mom who screams and pulls her hair out at the slightest mishap. Impatient? Yep, got that one down. Selfish? Uh-huh, got that one too. In short? I will never be Michelle Duggar. You see, I made the mistake of reading her book. While she does claim to have short patience and that she needs to work on her anger and temper too, she somehow manages to have obedient, quiet, gentle, completely in-control children. People, she's got nineteen of them. She's doing something right.

So this morning, feeling gloomy and wondering why I allowed myself to read this book in the first place, I gave myself a little pep talk. No, I am not Michelle Duggar and even though I wish I could be (not really though) I know without a doubt that God doesn't expect me to be. Actually, He doesn't even want me to be. He made me, ME. With all my faults, foibles (that's for you, Anna!) and selfishness, I am me. He made me the way I am and He gave me these children specifically because He knew that they needed me and more importantly, I needed them. So no, I will never be Michelle Duggar.

Then I started thinking, well yes, there is a lot I can't do as a mother and never will be able to do (Superstore does a better job icing cakes than I do!) but there are things I can do as a mom.

1. I can learn to control my temper and therefore learn to speak more gently and calmly.
2. I can teach my kids by pointing them to the truth each time they do something wrong.
3. I can try to be more consistent in my discipline.
4. I can read them stories, especially Bible stories.
5. I can talk to them. Even if I don't find a lesson in spilled milk, I can pray for teachable moments anyway.

And most importantly, I can PRAY. Ultimately, that is the one and only thing I really can do. All the things I listed before can only be done through prayer anyway. I can pray for patience, wisdom, strength. I can pray for their salvation, their futures, their character. I can "insulate them in prayer" as I heard one seasoned father say before.

And really? That is all they need anyway. All the other stuff is just a bonus. I love my kids and I pray for them. That is not the definition of failure in my dictionary.

Okay, pep talk over. :)

Here is poem which I (ironically) found in the book by Michelle Duggar:

CONTINUE ON 

a poem by Roy Lessin

A woman once fretted over the usefulness of her life.
She feared she was wasting her potential being a devoted wife and mother.
She wondered if the time and energy she invested in her husband and children would make a difference. At times she got discouraged because so much of what whe did seemed to go unnoticed and unappreciated. "Is it worth it?" she often wondered.
"Is there something better that I could be doing with my time?"
It was during one of these moments of questioning that she heard the still small voice of her heavenly Father speak to her heart.
"You are a wife and mother because that is what I have called you to be.
Much of what you do is hidden from the public eye, but I notice.
Most of what you give is done without remuneration, but I am your reward.
Your husband cannot be the man I have called him to be without your support. Your influence upon him is greater than you think and more powerful than you will ever know. I bless him through your service and honor him through your love.
Your children are precious to Me, even more precious than they are to you. I have entrusted them to your care to raise for Me. What you invest in them is an offering to Me. You may never be in the public spotlight, but your obedience shines as a bright light before Me. Continue on. Remember you are MY Servant. Do all to please Me."

(I italicized the part that spoke to me the most when I read it yesterday!)