March break.

We are home after almost a week away and it feels so good. There really is nothing more comforting than home and regular routines. Being away for a while makes me appreciate our normal that much more. That being said, we did have a wonderful time away, seeing relatives that we do not get to see very often. The kids had fun with close-in-age cousins and I honestly could not have asked for a better week. The kids' behaviour was great, and it was great to spend time with my in-laws.

What we did:

Lucas and I played Scrabble with his mom, one in which he soundly beat us, causing us to call for a rematch, which was much more fair. (Translation: He didn't beat us that time.)

I got to shop with the mother-in-law and sisters-in-law.

The boys got to go to Zigzag Zoo, which is the place to go when you're five and six. An indoor playground with a cousin you never get to see? Heaven.

We got to visit Candy and Matt and the boys' had a blast trading hockey cards with Matt!

We had an adults only chocolate fondue at Marie's on Friday night!

We visited a sugar shack, a museum, went to a birthday party, played in Uncle Arnold's barn (not me), played lots of games and ate lots of food (sweet bread and almond squares were high on my list).

In general, an all round great week with family. Surprisingly we took a few pictures. Very unlike us, but we did manage to make ourselves take at least a few shots. Here are some:

Amelia and her cousin Maddie (Emma is on the left)

Nicholas and Jacob and their best cousin, Neil
I wish we lived closer together for their sakes!
These three get along so well!

It was so fun to see Ceek!

Grandma and Amelia

Grandpa and Amelia

Me, Candy, Marie, and Ruth :)

As we were getting ready to leave Saturday morning, Lucas was downstairs packing (I think the kids were with him) and Lucas' mom was in her sewing room, his dad was already gone to Toronto. So it was just me in the livingroom and I decided to go downstairs and do a last check and take some stuff to Lucas that had been laying around. I grabbed the stuff and walked confidently towards the (hardwood) stairs... but then I somehow lost my footing and my feet when out from under me and I went the rest of the way down the stairs on my back. Only five or six steps, but they are hard. And I am big. I sat on the bottom step and cried, OW! From a very great distance away, it seemed, I could hear Lucas and his mom come running to me from their respective places in the house. (Lucas told me later that my fall had been very loud.) I could hear Lucas in a slow motion voice (or maybe my shocked brain only made it sound that way) going, "Oh no. Oh no. No," as he came running towards me. I could hear his mom going, "Don't move! Don't move!" I wanted them to know I was (relatively) okay, "Nothing's broken, I'm just really bruised!" I wailed. I have vague recollections of Lucas and the boys hugging me and Lucas' mom rubbing anti-bruising cream all over my arm. Now, the whole right side of my body feels wrenched and sore and I have huge bruises on my derriere and arm. (One bruise is very light, probably where the cream went, but the others are hideously purple. Well, I wasn't about to start slathering cream on my behind now, was I?)

That is my story. Also, later that day, I almost slipped and fell in mud at Tim Horton's going in, and going out I missed a step on the sidewalk and almost fell again. I also banged my head getting into the car at one point. Klutzy much? Either that or I have some kind of disease that is wrecking my coordination skills. 

Well, I guess our vacation went out with a bang! Har har.

His eye is on the sparrow.

I sometimes wonder what Mary was thinking when the angel came to her. From the outside, it seems she was full of faith and her only question was a logical one, not one of doubt. How can this be, since I do not know a man? I'm sure she did have a very strong faith in God, otherwise He would not have chosen her. Still, she was only a young girl. She would have known right away how this was going to reflect on her. She knew she could easily be stoned for being pregnant out of wedlock. She knew the shame, ridicule, and shunning that would come her way once people found out. All this is huge. These are all things that most of us would shy away from. Was there a little piece of her heart that quaked in fear? Did she tremble at the harsh words she would have to face? Did she wonder if Joseph would reject her when he found out? I don't doubt for a minute that she was thinking all of this. She was only human after all. But I think she knew something that I would do well to remember: She knew that God was in control. Mary knew that God would never have asked this of her if He did not already have all the details figured out. Yes, Joseph could very easily have wanted to have her stoned, but Mary knew that God wasn't going to let the mother of His Son die. She knew that God wouldn't give her this enormous task without also giving her the strength to get through it. And so she had peace.

How much I can learn from this! My tendency is to fret and stew and when I'm done, fret and stew some more. One time, before my uncle got saved, he said he was questioning God and he was in so much turmoil, but he could sense God's peace through it all. He describes it like a hurricane, with all the angst and fear swirling round and round, but in the middle - the eye of the storm - he could see Jesus and whenever he looked at Him, he felt peace. This is how it is for me sometimes. All of my fear, anxiety, and what have you make me feel so disquieted, but underneath it all, if I let myself really be still, I feel peaceful. It is there, I just don't always let myself feel it. He is there. God is control. He knows the future, he knows the past, and He is here, right now.

Why should I feel discouraged, why should the shadows come,

Why should my heart be lonely, and long for heaven and home,

When Jesus is my portion? My constant friend is He:

His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;

His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

I sing because I’m happy,

I sing because I’m free,

For His eye is on the sparrow,

And I know He watches me.

“Let not your heart be troubled,” His tender word I hear,

And resting on His goodness, I lose my doubts and fears;

Though by the path He leadeth, but one step I may see;

His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;

His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

Whenever I am tempted, whenever clouds arise,

When songs give place to sighing, when hope within me dies,

I draw the closer to Him, from care He sets me free;

His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;

His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

Once upon a time I had a baby boy and nineteen months later, I had a another baby boy. I was so excited that my big boy would have a brother to play with, someone to be his very best friend. In our circle of friends, there is no one who has a boy in the age range of my boys and I don't want to encourage non-Christian friends too strongly so it was very thrilling to me that my boys would always have each other.

What I didn't count on? Having two boys means double the trouble.

If one makes a bodily noise, the other will laugh uproariously and probably even try to do it too.

Boys like to wrestle, which means there is always a willing partner on hand.

Bathroom talk is an ordinary topic of conversation.

Being hyper and wild (also known as jumping/running/shouting/bouncing off walls - simultaneously) is very, very, very contagious and runs rampantly. The only known cure is separation/isolation. Quarantine?

One can never get a serious talking to from a parent with the brother present. It always ends in two giggling boys and two very frustrated parents.

Little sister gets double the torture.

Burping is a given.

Fighting is inevitable.

BUT...

A brother is a built-in playmate. A brother always has your back when others are teasing you. A brother is always up for game-playing and bike riding, DS tournaments and Lego structures. A brother is Playmobil and soccer and building things and sledding. Together. He is someone who laughs at your stupidest jokes, someone who understands you, who accepts you, faults and all.

A brother is something a boy just needs.

A friend loves at all times,

    and a brother is born for adversity.

Psalm 139.

1 O LORD, you have searched me and known me! 
2 You know when I sit down and when I rise up; 
you discern my thoughts from afar. 
3 You search out my path and my lying down 
   and are acquainted with all my ways. 
4 Even before a word is on my tongue, 
   behold, O LORD, you know it altogether. 
5 You hem me in, behind and before, 
   and lay your hand upon me. 
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; 
   it is high; I cannot attain it.
7 Where shall I go from your Spirit? 
   Or where shall I flee from your presence? 
8 If I ascend to heaven, you are there! 
   If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! 
9 If I take the wings of the morning 
   and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, 
10 even there your hand shall lead me, 
   and your right hand shall hold me. 
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me, 
   and the light about me be night,”
12 even the darkness is not dark to you; 
   the night is bright as the day, 
   for darkness is as light with you.
13 For you formed my inward parts; 
   you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
   my soul knows it very well.  
15 My frame was not hidden from you, 
when I was being made in secret, 
   intricately woven in the depths of the earth. 
16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance; 
in your book were written, every one of them, 
   the days that were formed for me, 
   when as yet there was none of them.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! 
   How vast is the sum of them! 
18 If I would count them, they are more than the sand. 
   I awake, and I am still with you.
19 Oh that you would slay the wicked, O God! 
   O men of blood, depart from me! 
20 They speak against you with malicious intent; 
   your enemies take your name in vain.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD? 
   And do I not loathe those who rise up against you? 
22 I hate them with complete hatred; 
   I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart! 
   Try me and know my thoughts!
24 And see if there be any grievous way in me, 
   and lead me in the way everlasting!

Dressed and waiting to go on the ice!

In the last couple of weeks, Nicholas has started reading chapter books! This is one of the most exciting things for me as a mom, seeing my kids learn to read. But not only can he read, I'm hard pressed to get his nose out of his book when it's time for bed. I don't expect all my kids to be avid readers; we are all different after all, and Lucas is not a reader in the least. I'm just really excited that so far, Nicholas seems to really enjoy it. Jacob does too for that matter. He is just starting his reading journey though, being only at a level 2, maybe 3, whereas Nicholas is now at a level 19. Still, Jacob has started bringing home books from school to practice with and he loves reading them over and over. He seems to be catching on really well too, which makes me think: maybe I will have two readers!

Nicholas using a pylon, although he doesn't really need it.

I also have the boys in skating lessons. Once a week, at 4:00 on Wednesdays, for half an hour. We are half way into them and they both are doing well. I put them both in the lowest class, which is great for Jacob who can't skate to save his life, but Nicholas should technically be in a class above. I couldn't get him in though because I registered them too late. Oh well, I figure he is at least on the ice getting practice. Both boys seem to really enjoy it. Jacob hated it at first, but has gotten used to it. He normally uses a chair or a pylon to stand up with, but the last two lessons he has to try skating with nothing, and it's hilarious. I just sit in the stands and laugh my head off at him. Poor guy. At least the falling doesn't seem to bother him; he just gets up and tries again.

Jacob hanging onto a chair for dear life :)

And my girl... is toilet trained!! I don't know how it happened, but one day after Christmas she woke up dry and has been in underwear ever since. I still stick a pullup on her at night, just to be safe, but once our stash of pullups is gone, I'm not buying any more. There have been a couple of accidents, but honestly, it has been a breeze! I feel bad saying that, because I know there are moms who are really struggling with the toilet training thing but don't feel bad! Each child is different. But one thing I will say? Waiting until they are ready and interested makes a huge difference!

Girly waiting (not so) patiently for her brothers.

Forgetting and frontlets.

In my living room, on top of a bookshelf, I have two verses framed together as a 

reminder to myself of what I am doing and how I am to be doing it:

The wise woman builds her house, 

but the foolish pulls it down with her hands.

Proverbs 14:1

A soft answer turns away wrath, 

   but a harsh word stirs up anger.

Proverbs 15:1

It's never easy for me to remember not to yell at my kids or not to make cutting remarks to my husband. (Sarcasm is my strong suit.) The first verse reminds me that a woman wields a lot of power in her home, the power to build it up, or literally tear it down with her own hands. The second verse is more specific to me, pointing out my biggest shortcoming, which is my harsh tongue, and how unhelpful it is to lash out at people. Specifically the people nearest and dearest to my heart. The way I speak directly affects the mood and behaviour of my husband and kids. I am 100% sure of this. So, that is why I have these two verses sitting in my living room. The logic is that if it's always there, I'll always be reminded and if I'm always reminded then I will think before I speak. Unfortunately it doesn't work that way. The problem is, I never look at the frame. For one thing, I'm not always in that room, but even when I am, looking up at it to remind myself never happens in the heat of the moment.

I'm thinking something like this would work better for me:

You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. 

Deuteronomy 6:8


All I'm saying is, if you see me walking around wearing phylacteries one day, don't be surprised.

New definition of me.

Lately I have been told, by a very good and very insightful friend, that I need to "redefine" myself. The conversation we had came on the heels of a very dark blog post I wrote a little while back, just before Christmas. Basically, I was feeling overwhelmed, lost, like I was floundering in a deep and dark ocean, and it came spilling out for all you lovely people to read.

Anyway, from that post, a few people have responded and one of the things that came out of it, was for my friend to mention this "redefining" idea. As soon as she said it, a light bulb went off in my head and I was like "oh yeah, why didn't I think of that?"

To get an idea of what she means, and what I am now processing and thinking through, I will tell you how I used to define myself: a girl who loves to sit in a big comfy chair, reading a book and drinking a cup of tea (hence the blog URL). I would define myself as someone who hates doing anything athletic, even walking, and who isn't all that comfortable with being pushed out of my comfort zone.

So, that is how I rolled my whole life. Just sitting around, reading, not doing much to stress myself out. Six and a half years ago, I had a baby boy. He was a fairly calm baby for the first six months, but once he started crawling he became a hurricane. I remember talking to my best friend and lamenting how I would wake up in the morning and literally dread my day, knowing there would not be a moment of peace, or being able to sit and read a book. She didn't get it, since her little girl just sat and played toys all day. (Justice is now being served though, as she now has two energetic boys of her own. Hi, Leah!)

Then, when my very active boy was nineteen months old, and in the height of his digging-through-the-cupboards stage, I added another boy to the mix. It wasn't too long before I had my hands full of two very active, very energetic boys and I literally felt and do feel, that I am in way over my head. They want me to let them ride bikes! Go swimming! Go to the park! Play soccer! Hockey! Wrestle! Jump! I'm tired just writing it!

This is all pretty exhausting for a phlegmatic person like myself. So...

Enter the new me and a whole new definition of myself: I am no longer that same person, who is able to sit and read a book all day. I am now a mom of two active boys and one not-so-active girl. I can't just sit and let them run wild, but take measures to gain control of the life I've been given and accept it as God's perfect plan for me. If I had gotten to choose, I'd have chosen three, docile, personality-less girls, who would sit and read with me. But I didn't get to choose, and God must have a sense of humour because he gave me something that is stretching me far and above my comfort zone.

My friend and I came up with a list of things that will help me think of myself in a different light, and things that will help me be more proactive in keeping control of my family. Basically, instead of picking them up from school and just flying by the seat of our pants and spiraling into a whirlpool of negativity, screaming, and darkness, I can have a plan in mind that will carry us through the three hours before Lucas comes home for supper.

The formula is simple: 1. Let them play at the school playground for half an hour before going home, or take them sledding or to the park, go biking, or simply go for a walk. In nutshell, let them burn off a bit of energy before going home. 2. Have something planned for them to do at home. Cardboard boxes, popsicle sticks, tape... just anything that I've taken the time to put out for them to do that would occupy their attention for a while. Maybe even have a toy set up and ready for them to play with. 3. Hopefully by this time, they are ready to go off and play by themselves, and in a crunch, watch a movie while I make supper.

Another thing on my list to do (which we're working on today), is to organize all our toys and box them, and make our playroom more fun and kid-friendly. I also might finally try the rule of "one toy out at a time" which I've always wanted to do, but never implemented. I'm hoping it might make them more excited about their toys. My friend also suggested an area specific for them to wrestle in, rather than just anywhere they happen to be. This is a great idea and I don't know why I didn't think of it before.

So to redefine myself, there are things I'm going to have to do that I've never done before, one example being, maybe taking a walk - even if it's raining. Me? Walk in the rain? I hate rain and I hate walking. But I think I can do it, if only to get my kids to burn off energy. That is the key, I think. Just letting them use their energy in normal ways, like walking or biking or sledding, rather than killing each other. I might have to pick up a hockey stick, or kick a soccer ball with them...

...which brings me to yesterday. After school we came home, and the boys wanted to play outside. I figured, okay, here is my moment to stay out with them for a change, instead of going right in and leaving them by themselves. I bundled us all up, even Amelia, and out we went. I'd given the boys each a new sled for Christmas, sled being a very generous term for something that looks more like a shovel. I thought they'd get a kick out of them anyway, and I was right. Yesterday, there was only a skiff of snow on the ground, but it was crunchy and perfect for sledding, or so I thought. And I guess it was when Jacob did it, but then I got the idea to go myself, so I hefted all --- lbs (insert your number) of me onto the sled shovel and took off, screaming as I went. What? Sledding is terrifying! In the midst of my screaming, I could hear Nicholas going, "You broke it! You broke my sled!" And sure enough, a whole chunk of the seat had broken off. How the boys laughed. I predicted that Daddy would shout with laughter when he heard the story, and how right I was. But he also told me how great it was that I did that with them, that I'd created a funny memory for them. It's so true. We would have missed that moment had I just come in and read a book.

Oh the things my boys can teach me, if I'll only let them! I do love my boys so much and I don't want anyone to ever think that my complaining means I don't. I honestly don't know what I'd do without them and wouldn't trade them for those three girls I talked about earlier. I just need to take myself above and beyond what I am comfortable doing. Life is not about being comfortable anyway, but about stretching ourselves to be all that God wants us to be. It is about enjoying the little moments of life with the people we love, and taking control of things we can keep in control, like daily activities, and our own temperaments.

I think that is all I wanted to say about that. It's only the very beginning of my journey to redefine myself. It won't take away all the moments of craziness, but I think it's at least going to help me feel more on top of things. It's going to make me feel like I'm accomplishing something, instead of drowning under the weight of my duties. It may even make those duties fun.

I'll keep you updated.