Trust.

There is something so wonderful about God's peace. I love having it when I know it's there, but sometimes it seems to ebb and flow out of my life. Example: We recently put in an offer on a house thirty minutes out of the city. While I have slight anxiety at the thought of moving out of my comfort zone - the city - I always knew that the Lord would make it clear when/if we should make a step like this. So, when the opportunity presented itself, we put in an offer on a cute little one and a half story home, on a property that is the stuff of my husband's dreams. And I felt it. I felt God's gentle peace in the whole process. From signing papers with the buying agent, all the way to procuring an agent to sell our current home. I know, without a doubt, that this is God's plan for us. 

And yet, as I sit and wait for our current house to sell, I am anxious. There are some days where (especially while getting the house ready for a showing) I feel like I can't breathe, I am so panicky. I just so much want this house to sell... I want to move into our new place... I want it all to happen the way I want it to happen and I am anxious. I am not a patient person and here I am, having to wait. The unknown looms and I hate the feeling of being in limbo that it gives me.

I talked about it with my husband one night. I asked him why, if all we felt was peace and having all the right doors opening at the beginning, does it feel at a standstill now. And above all, why do I feel so anxious? My husband is not one to wax eloquent or become emotional over spiritual things. But what he said to me deeply touched me: "It's because when everything is going well, it's easy to trust. And then when things stop moving, you stop trusting and then you become anxious." So simple and yet so profound. Why didn't I think of that? 

It's so true. If I am going to trust God, I need to trust Him even when things aren't happening the way I think they should. Right now, in this gap of time between houses, He is still here. I don't see things moving, but they are. My lack of trust turns into anxiousness and I can't feel God's peace anymore. 

I read these verses the other day, and honestly, they are some of my favourite verses in the Bible:

"...do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6, 7

First, do not be anxious. Second, pray and let God know what you need. Third, He will surround your heart with His peace. It's this trust and rest thing that I struggle with.

But yesterday when I was reading those verses, I noticed something that I had not ever really noticed before. And that is the end of verse five, which (in my ESV translation) is really the opening statement of verse six: "The Lord is at hand." I'm sure that it means that the Lord is coming back soon, but I also believe it means that the Lord is near to us, so what do we have to be afraid of? He's right here, working on my house getting sold at just the right time. There is nothing for me to be anxious about.

It's a lesson I'm slowly learning... at least until I wake up tomorrow morning and start fretting again... :)